Love is the victim's response to the rapist. Comments

Reader Comments

Ummm... Right...
Name: bold thought	2004-11-10
Unless the raped one is a saint, that quote doesn't make any sense at all. St. Maria Gorretti may actually be the only woman in the world who ever had a heart big enough to do that.

love
Name: a girl with a thought	2005-02-06
this quote makes you think, it has so many meaning and if you actually think about what it is saying then this quote will have a hidden meaning for you too

stupid
Name: tyra	2005-02-23
the word love and rapist shouldnt even be in the same sentence not matter what the meaning...i mean come on

Okay...
Name: Jerry	2005-03-03
To be honest, this one offended me a bit at first. But it makes you think of the dynamic behind the words. Love is that force that seemingly takes us against our will, leaving us vulnerable and at the mercy of that force. While I disagree with using the word 'rape' in this instance, it does make you think.

Ture
Name: Robin	2005-03-11
That is true, if you know people in abusive relationships they tend to say well its love so i will stay in this

uhhh
Name: tarika	2005-03-11
i really didnt get this quote and tyra is right rapist and love doesnt mix together

stupid
Name: Just my insight	2005-03-21
well I believe I could make up a better quote than saying that love is the victims response to a rapist, I mean come on get real......

I agreee
Name: Michigan Female	2005-03-23
I agree, with tarika and tyra. Love and rapist...dont belong in the same page. Their both two different meanings, get a life and make a better quote.

love2
Name: aven	2005-03-27
clever thinking girl, really. the quote's a bit insensitive, but the point is to be controversial and provocative, i think. she could be saying that a person in need of love is desperate and will seize on anyone who desires her, or (more likely) that love is merely a justification, just like what robin said-- a defence, or something forced.

You guys are all wrong.

Name: meh

2005-04-13

Sorry. :)

You guys really don't have any conception of what love, true love (if that is possible) is, do you?

Love is holding the hand that slapped you.
Love is kissing the face that spit on you.
Love is dying for the one who wanted to kill you.

Of course, most people can't even begin to understand this concept. It is just so foreign and radical to the modern Western civilization views of love. Basically, what this quote is saying is that love is completely unconditional, regardless of what that person does to you. It is NOT saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship or that rape is okay. It is saying that the ideal response for someone who has been raped is to love the rapist. Not in a sexual or emotional kind of way by any means, but in the purest sense of the word.

nonsence
Name: arcade	2005-06-08
this is insane rape and love these can neva exist togeather

hmm
Name: raver of love	2005-06-09
arcade; If you think that then you have no sense of what love might truly mean.

something to consider

Name: um hello

2005-07-13

NO NO NO. You people are crazy, or incapable of deep thought. You were all distracted by the denotation of the word rape. Now love is the reaction of the victim to the rapist. Okay let me break this down. I would say most people are on some level are hesitant to actually love someone, as humans we lack the ability to trust and are careful to not get hurt. However there is someone out there who will make you vunerable and you will love them. Somewhat like raping the unwilling. We all want to love, but we are all scared of it at the same time. At least in the beginning. There's my explination.

STUPID COMMENT
Name: soph	2005-08-05
how stupid is this comment ..if u have ever been a victim ureselves u will know the 2 words relate in no way n neva should be mixed

wtf
Name: Shobhan	2005-10-24
i don't know about you,but my response would be hatred...thought that is such a strong word i still say so.what this quote says is wrong....in so soo many ways

unbelievable
Name: whatever	2006-02-07
i cant believe this! unless you had a heart of gold, i dnt think u could even trust another guy after being raped, let alone love the one who did it! some insensitive person added that without thinking

you are messed up.
Name: sick	2006-03-25
how would love even be an expression by someone that got raped to feel about the jerk that raped that person?

ya really stupid
Name: a person	2006-06-21
i think the same thing that tyra did cuz love is such a strong word and rapist is just a horrible word to be describin love.

WHAT A REPULSIVE THOUGHT
Name: NONE OF UR BUISNESS FREAK	2006-08-10
THIS IS THE MOST IDIOTIC THING I HAVE EVER READ. DOES IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT MAYBE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN RAPED FIND THIS OFFENSIVE

idiot continued
Name: young love	2007-02-01
how could anyone justify that quote!! ino im only young (15 to be exact)but even i know that love is not the correct word and to all of you how say love is unconditional no matter how somebody treats you put it this way if some sick person had ever doen that to you or anyone you know would you say that is love that they would feel.. i think you would find that is not the correct word

HELLO

Name: megan

2007-02-24

FOr all of you hating on this quote think a minute. I agree by using the word rape she could be offending people but that is the best word to prove her point. That to be in love is unwilling and unconditional. That no matter the flaws if you love them you won't care. She's not saying rape is right or that you should stay in an abusive relationship. She is proving a point. While saing it that way is a little insensitive. It does make people think and if they can get around the word rape you'll realise that in essence it's true. That when your in love the other's flaw seem nonexsistent. Don't take the words at face value. not everything is how it seems the first time you see it.

ok. so.

Name: a PERSONAL thought.

2009-12-06

when i was 13 years old. About 3 years ago. I was raped. By a guy who was senior in high school. He spent four months just talking to me. Never thought a bad person would spend that much time on another person. I finally met up with him and we had done thing's but i was never ready to have sex,i mean i was a virgin i was scared? and even now i KNOW i wasn't ready. but I even as a 13 year old girl,was convinced i loved him. and he ended up rapeing me. I broke up with him. and I confused the crying with love. I was obsessed with it. I thought the only way to heal it was to be with him,in a real "sex" way. I begged for him back and cried for months. I'm still not sure what i was really feeling. but in a way the quote makes sense to me. and if you havent been raped in the manner i was. you might not see it the way i did. Because if i had actually loved him i would have taken him back. and if it was just rape truama then my responce was to love him. I dont find this offensive at all. and people who have been through it are the ones it counts to.

listen jackasses

Name: Nikki

2010-02-07

I am in love. True unconditional love. And this quote has NOTHING to do with rape. Its just the poets choice of words. The quote means that love is forced. That we have NO control over who we fall in love with. Because we don't. Its all fate. I used to have people ask me why i love my fiance and tell me how horrible he was. and my response would be i don't know. because love takes hostages. and leaves no one alive except those who accept it. A rapist would do the same, if you resisted im sure that they would have no problem raping a still warm corpse.

lol

Name: hahahaha

2010-03-09

My ex girlfriend got raped. She's so innocent too. When she was a kid she once nursed a snail she had accidentally stepped on back to health. We had only ever slept with each other, and she had waited until she was 22. She wound up choosing him over me. lol. If you're the victim maybe its a beautiful irony, but if you're just a step away and have to see what our humanity really is without that fuzzy perversion of mixed feelings, human beings are abominable. I can't ever forget this, I can't pretend I don't know it, and I can't act like inserting this in to the framework of my universe doesn't ruin it. To hell with humanity and this quote.

I FEEL THIS WAY

Name: Lauren

2010-03-30

These posts were from years ago........But I actually googled this because I AM FEELING THIS WAY. I have been sexually assaulted and raped mor ethan you can count on one hand . And after awhile u just give up. In my case I did along time ago. STILL GOT RAPED years later. I guess I didnt really give up if I got raped again. I was raped by my baby's FATHER. YOU ALWAYS LOVE the father of your child. A majority anyway. He has done alot of things that are unforgivable so have alot of guys. Call it a heart of gold, call it stupid. YES a shrink probably is the best answer of all.......BUT it is WRONG to feel this way I COMPREHEND THAT and still cannot do with out. I love my child more than myself and my own life. If you dont understand... I just don't want to hurt her. And he is the ONLY one there for us. Some women don't have that........and then how would having nobody be more beneficial than TRYING . I torture myself everyday with this it is pure torture. It is a messed up world. Throw murder into the mix.

My life

Name: true

2010-05-20

Have any of you who hate rapist ever really sat down and talked to one? I was raped 6 years ago by a guy i really liked, the day after it happened i was so distraught I didn't talk to him even though he tried hard to talk to me. I took him to court had him convicted and everything. As a scared 18 year old it just made sense. not a day went by in 6 years i didn't think about him and hope he was okay though. I found him on facebook and finally got to understand his emotional journey. While some rapists may not care about their victims, my rapists really cared. he felt just awful about it and even after years of therapy he was having a hard time with it. it really changed his life that I forgave him for what happened. I know being in love with a rapist sounds odd but it is possible. I'm living proof of it. two people can be really lost in life and it takes each other to find out who we are again. Not everyone who does bad things are cold and heartless. we all do bad things in our life and I hope someone isn't judging me for the bad things i've done

Unnecessarily misleading quote

Name: Ford Leiden

2010-08-12

A rapist enjoyed the act of rape. A rapist is in love with being a rapist. But this is not real love, it is love of one's own hate. And hate is simply hate. Rapists give up the possibility of ever feeling real love, and rape victims can only pick up the pieces and hope to be able to feel real love again in their life. The rape victim can possibly feel love again IN SPITE of the rapist. But the rapist has lost their soul forever and can not feel real love again.

Agree with personal thought
Name: Lihle	2010-11-23
I had just undergone rape and i am deeply in love with the rapist, not that i was in love with the guy before the act but it seems like this is my response to the trauma and i feel like being in love with my rapist is the only way i'm gonna get over the trauma.

understand
Name: sakura	2010-12-19
this quote is explaining that the raped one love is its desire to the rapist but exscape from them.

I relate

Name: Nhla

2011-01-20

This is so true, wait before you disagree think about it.....you love a stranger who as time goes you call a lover. you love a cheater who as time goes you call a husband. do not think about the word RAPE cause its not what you are think now. RAPE in this sentences does not mean a rapist or a person who have sex with a person unwillingly NO, No!! its that stranger in your home, that cheater in your arms, the one you call a lover, a husband or father.

no way
Name: non ya damn buidness	2009-08-11
this quote dosent remind me of love...but of hate...alot of hate...fuck rapers

I dont get it..

Name: confuzzled

2007-04-10

like..love your rapist? The one who has turned your life upside down? left u with permenant emotional scars? Took advantage of you without even a second thought? Why doesnt that make sense..CAUSE ITS RETARDED, I mean I would much rather love someone who gets me flowers on my b-day, take me out to romantic dinners, ASK me if I'm ready!!..unless of coarse this quote has some hidden meaning my narrow way of thinking cannot comprehend :P

Love of fellow human beings.

Name: valerey

2009-01-10

alright, I understand how awful and atrocious the thought of loving your own rapist can be. But as human beings, we are too love each other through thick and thin, mistakes or no mistakes, this does NOT mean hugging the person, keeping contact with the person, or talking to the person at all. its more about forgiveness, no it does not help you heal by leaps and bounds, but everybody is hurting, and every bad decision made is the result of some sort of hurt or pain whether aware or unaware of that pain or hurt. I was raped over the summer, and there wasnt a minuted that went past where I wasnt hurting for him also. It isnt crazy, our hearts are all beating and our minds are all beautiful. To this day I cry, I have nightmares, Im an entirely different person and Im constantly afraid and untrusting. but that guy knows all those things, no he doesnt care much, obviousley he doesnt, but he does know there isnt a part of me that would ever hurt him the way he hurt me, because hes a human being and I understand.

u guyz dont get it

Name: Faz

2009-03-07

its sad but true: a lot of women and men actually end up fallin in love with their rapist. and only those who lived this nightmare will understand this quote. Im one of them. Its such a awful thing to admet that some of us will deny it all our life because its the most frustrating feelin ever! u feel so fooled and trap, u still cry and u might even hate yourself for feelin thay way. but its a taboo consequence(response of the victim). WHY? Dunno yet, cuz im still figthing with this issue myself. im guessing that the rapist took a part of us and that somehow we find it unfair for it to be out of love. Now the thing is that (of course) i dont trust that guy anymore, and im still very mad at him and scared too, but he stills hunt my dreams and my toughts sometimes , to him i wont tell him cuz im too pride and i hate him , but in fact :i hate that i love him... after what he did...

so when i read this quote it hit... dont hate the quote this is real... this is psychology!!!!

Think about it the other way...

Name: efflife

2009-07-01

OKAY! I understand that most of the people here are getting offended by the word "rape".

Now, forget about the quote for a while.

Have you ever been in love?
If you have, only then you would understand this quote.
Love makes you "emotionally" vulnerable. It opens the walls that you have been constructing your whole life until the moment you fall in love.
It breaks these walls brick by brick.
While this happens, you go through an emotional turmoil. You struggle to keep the walls from falling but the feeling of love is more powerful.
After the walls are gone, you are soaked in the nectar of love.
This makes you pure, innocent & "emotionally vulnerable" to the person whom you are in love with.
You didn't ASK to fall in love with him.
It just happened.
Against "YOUR WILL", he broke the walls... and entered you heart.

Now lets get back to the quote.

What Ti-Grace Atkinson means is that when you are in love you are the "victim" and the person whom you fall in love with is the "rapist".

In other words she meant to say that the one who destroys the shield by which you guard your heart is a "rapist". But what you in turn give him is love.

It's meaning is symbolic not literal.

This quote is really deep but this certainly does not mean to offend the "actual" victims of rape.

Irate
Name: Desiree	2008-05-27
Absolutely, the words love and rapist should never be used in the same sentence. Lets not try and beautify such an inhumane act that destroys lives. Other than a rapists love for thyself....there is no love!

Still Irate

Name: Desiree

2008-05-27

Definition of rape: SEXUAL INTERCOURSE with a woman by man without her CONSENT and chiefly by FORCE or deception. (Obviously the sexes could be reversed)

Possibly the person who wrote this quote meant to make a point...but maybe, before the word rape was thrown into the mix, they did their research. The act of rape in no way symbolizes the falling, being or remaining in love. It is a SEX CRIME!!! Remaining with someone who abuses you does (to me anyway) not show love...it shows a lack of self esteem and confidence. No one deserves to be treated that way and we all as peoples need to stand up for ourselves and demand respect so that the abuse and sex crimes STOP!!!

it happened to me

Name: loving my rapist

2011-08-15

Yes its called stockholm syndrome and it occurs often! I was beaten and raped by my rapist and I later married him because he claimed to love me and I loved him in return to keep my sanity. I hate that I can't stop loving him but I still persist to make it work even though I know that he can't change. He is cruel and manipulative but I feel powerless to get away and when I do my thoughts are occupied by him. He always finds me and I quickly let him know that I love him so he will not be so harsh. I have loved my rapist for 5 abusive years and I am still trying to let go even though I know he is a monster.

WTF
Name: Alardem	2012-03-17
There's so much brainlessness and self-hating rape apologism here that it stops being funny. Anyway, you can interpret this shitty quotation as saying not that you have to love the fucker who had absolutely no concern about your happiness in favor of their own pleasure, but that you can love OTHERS in SPITE of the evil inflicted on you.

Raped and I have to have him

Name: Denise

2012-03-12

I went to stay with my extend family to get away from a situation. I was raped and assaulted by my second cousin...I left immediately and ended up leaving the city...but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Im in love with him and I desire to marry him. Like I even told my aunt and his sister how i felt. He's so conniving that I couldn't prove it and they don't believe it about him...but they don't understand why Im in love with him all of a suddenly his aunt asked me if something happened. When I told her he raped me the day they went to the mall and the two of us were at home alone and I was sleeping. I came accross this site googling making sure I wasnt completely insane. I want to marry him. I want to be with him. Im a very aggressive person and my last boyfriend who did not rape me but threatened to--was a pimp. I turn into a different person around monsterous type men. Im a christian and everything. But my mother wore the pants in the house and my father tried to take his frustrations out on me with abuse--so that made me a man hater in a way and I can't be with any man that shows any signs of weakness. I can be friends because I don't judge because life is so hard--but I need that fear factor or something...

rape
Name: kim	2011-12-24
Rape and love can be in the same phase. I was 14 and my son fatheras 17 when he got charger with rape on myself. 11 years later were together and im having are second child, to me he did rale me but i knw i might be unclear about what happen to me but i love him.

Deeper thoughts

Name: E.B.

2012-12-02

In some tangled way I do believe love and rape have a very deep bond. The act it's self is intimate in a way that not many people can understand. In rapes that are not committed by strangers the rapist has probably thought long and hard about being intimate with this person. For them to have that deep of a want and allow nothing, not even the other person, stand in their way says alot. I'm 24 and have been a lesbian all my life. I met a guy about a month ago who had a very troubled life growing up, and that's what drew me into a friendship with him. Over 2 yrs we spoke on and off but never really hung out. When we finally both had time we did. We spoke, laughed, shared details of our lives, and connected, until the night took a turn. He raped me. Weeks later I had to know why this happened. We had such a great time, he was so sensitive and loving, I felt like it could never have been in him to hurt someone this way. After getting my answer through messages he continued to tell him he missed me, and how he wanted to see me. I had explained the pain he caused and how i could not emotionally handling seeing him, but that didnt stop him. A part of me feels OWNED in a way. "Something taken, not given, yet owned nonetheless." Being raised by my christian grandmother lead me to love, rather than hate. At first I was filled with hate and anger, but now i love him for reasons beyond me. Who is to blame in a situation of an emotionally scared young man who has never known love, by family or another. Never knew his parents, grew up in foster homes, attempted to take his own life, was abused by the people who were supposed to protect him, and all he wanted was love. I'm not saying he is right for what he did, I'm just saying that sometimes people are dealt really bad hands in life. And if Karma works as it says then all the bad that has come on to him, must leave him in some way or another.

hmfyULEDHLnviwF

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Name: Brandy	2013-04-22
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wth
Name: saffir embers	2013-11-23
i dont agree with that at all and however wrote it is seriously messed up

Thanks Diane. The a

Name: Mirella

2014-01-07

Thanks Diane. The above organization NAMBLA is real and has been arnuod for a long time! Situations like you describe are so common people would be shocked to find out the truth. I had a client once who also went to her pastor of a large church about a convicted pedophile who had served his term and was out of prison. He was a children's Sunday school teacher. She told the pastor about him, and the pastor told her the man was cured now, he was past that! Such thinking is so prfoundly ignorant and could so easly be changed with a little bit of education. That is one of the themes in my book. Lets just allow a bit of education. And, why put any children in the path of a known, convicted molester? That is like putting a drink in front of an alcoholic. We are sacrificing our children to the Code of Silence.

I understand your th

Name: Honza

2014-02-05

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yes it can happen

Name: romina

2014-05-26

yes its true dat one can luv her rapist.coz its my personal experience.dis guy is my senior n he was pretty fascinated with me right from my first year.one night he really trapped me n raped me brutally.but i cudnt reveal it to anyone as i cudnt believe dat its happening 2 me.but it affected me so terribly dat my personality started changing so much n ultimately everyone came 2 know everything.but it was too late n i had no evidence 2 giv against him n i was suffering from POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER dat i cudnt remember many details,not even the date of rape n eventually he managed 2 convince everyone dat am mad n i had 2 undergo a lot of humiliation.i hated him so much n i jst wanted him 2 die.but over past few months am realizing wid so much pain dat am in luv wid him,i feel as he is d first man in my life no body can replace him.

reduced to gang lif

Name: Pepa

2015-10-02

reduced to gang life and think that it is okay to do this kind of thing to women. They are not your tpycial rapists as you say because tpycial rapists know that what they are doing is morally wrong and plan things out to not get caught. The no-snitching policy that seems to be the norm in Richmond has made these young men feel like they can do anything, and clearly it almost worked. Thank goodness the other girl took action, andï»¿ yes, those kinds of actions should very much be praised,

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Name: Kaylie	2016-04-29
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